AND SO IT BEGINS...

Well, I guess now is as good a time as any… This blog I’ve intended to write for years, every time I catch-up with friends and regale them with my stories of a life lived well… Like kicking back with chocolate or a glass (bottle) of wine to watch MAFS or MKR, my friends kick back to listen to the latest in the saga that is my life - living vicariously through the best and worst of the adventures into which I throw myself wholeheartedly… Sometimes I surprise myself with the revelations that come from sharing, and I know that every adventure, every friendship, every city/country and every connection is bringing me closer - to what, I don’t know, by boy it’s been one hell of a ride!!

So, to set the scene… Kuala Lumpur Airport at 4am, en route to a solo r&r week in Phuket, Thailand (or Fuck-it - thanks Steve!!) Really though, Steve’s name for it is pretty fitting, seeing as that’s exactly what I was thinking when I randomly booked the package at 11pm one night. Now, that sounds like I was sitting around being all sad and lonely, and I really wasn’t - honestly, I wasn’t!! But I was in a “mood”, not a bad one, just filled with unease, and a feeling of something not being quite right, or the need to DO something… On this particular occasion, I knew exactly why I felt this way, but I'm not always so sure... This happens to me more often than I care to admit, and even now, I struggle to put my finger on exactly what the feeling is, but it generally ends with me doing something impulsive - on a good day, this involves buying a pretty frock online, but on this day, it was “book a solo package to 5-star resort in Thailand”... And why not?! I earn good money, I have holidays coming up, I deserve it - why am I still justifying it?! Why do we do that?! Really that’s not the thought process that led me to the decision in the first place, but we’ll get to that...

So I did it… And then came the questions and comments, all from the most genuine of care, but still, I’ve heard them all before...

“Who are you going with?”

“Oh, on your own… Won’t you be lonely?”

"What about Charlie?" (I'll lock him in the laundry with heaps of packets of chips, he'll be fine!! *insert eye roll* as though the care of my 8yo son had slipped my mind...)

“I could never travel on my own…”

“That’s very dangerous, are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“Why don’t you take a friend? Mary/Jo/Annabelle/Bec/Stacey/Kathryn would love to join you… Or your sisters, they’d love it…”

Deep breaths right here… And smile… Yes, I’m sure they would love it but it’s not about them, it’s about me, and I want to go on this trip, and I am happy going on my own, and Charlie will be with his dad, and I will be totally fine, and I will definitely NOT be lonely, and I am 100% sure of it… I get it, it’s all lovely concern for my safety and wellbeing, but I’m really ok with this…

Back to people watching at KL airport... It’s now 4.30am (I keep getting side-tracked by the bleary-eyed arrivals that pass me by - I’m keeping vigil at the massive Starbucks so I have a great view but I’m also easily distracted at the best of times)… I very nearly joined a large group that was being so successfully “herded” by their incredibly vocal and wildly-gesturing guide that I almost felt compelled to join them, such was her insistence that everyone “STICK TOGETHER AND HURRY UP, COME ON, EVERYBODY STAY PART OF THE GROUP!!” The mantra for contemporary society really… But I’m not part of the group, I don’t want to hurry up, and I know that the people I want to stick together with, don’t need reminding to do so…

Distracted again… Thanks for joining me on this little journey - I love my life and all the crazy that comes with it, but two weeks ago, I found myself justifying this trip in a way I never wanted to imagine, not about money or holidays or deserving it, but with my own mortality at the forefront. Now let’s not be fatalistic about this, but my justification went something like this -

“You’re living your Festival of Forty (my fortieth year - thanks Stace), you have an incredible son who brings light into your world, you have lived a life of amazing adventures and achieved successes in everything you’ve set your mind to, you are surrounded by incredible family and friends and life is so very good. And your surgery to remove cancerous cells from your cervix was unsuccessful… Phuket/Fuck-it!! I will buy the shoes, I will eat the cake, I will drink the fourth Cosmo, and I will go on a solo trip to Thailand!!”

And so it begins...